Here’s an example of how your thoughts, feelings and behaviours are all connected - and how you can “talk yourself into” anxiety and fear.
Imagine you wake up in the middle of the night to a loud noise outside your window. (Event)
It sounds like there’s something moving out there. (Thought)
Your heart starts to race, your throat tightens and you start to feel anxious. (Feeling)
You lie in bed, listening, trying to control your breathing. (Behaviour)
You start thinking about what you’ll do if someone’s trying to break in. (Thought)
You become more anxious (Feeling), so you reach for your phone. (Behaviour)
Phone in hand, you find the courage to get out of bed and peek out the window. (Behaviour)
The wind has knocked over a garbage can… or maybe it was a raccoon. (Thoughts)
You see that the worst is not true. (Thought)
You start to feel less anxious. (Feeling)
You climb back into bed and go back to sleep. (Behaviour)
When you thought it was an intruder, you were terrified. When you thought it was the wind or a raccoon, it wasn’t scary at all, and you could easily get back to sleep.
So, it wasn’t the Event that was distressing, it was your interpretation of it – the meaning you gave it in your head and what you said to yourself.