One of the most important developmental tasks for teens is building autonomy and independence from their parents through more dependence on their peer group. For many teenagers, time spent with peers is how they develop their sense of self.
The teenage brain is just not wired to process risk in the same way that adults do. Right now, many parents are finding themselves spending time lecturing their teens on the risks associated with not following the rules of social distancing, as their teens fight to see their friends. Of course, that leads to increased conflict and frustration.
An understanding of the teenage brain and how it develops might help parents see through a more compassionate lens.
Your teen is hard wired to choose risk. Understanding that might help you manage your own frustration and develop tolerance for their desperate longing to be with their peers.
Approach your teenager regularly to have open conversations about social distancing rules and validate any and all feelings that they may be having about these expectations.
Stay firm in your expectations, but stay open to ways that your child can remain connected to their peers during this time, despite these restrictions.
Allowing teenagers to spend extra time on online video games, TikTok or other video platforms can be a good diversion. Bending the typical household rules to some extent and pouring on the compassion for your cooped-up teenager is key to encouraging them to follow the social isolation rules and expectations.
In the same way that some teenagers participate in other risk-taking behaviours, not following the social distancing rules is no different. Parents can use same parenting practices that they have successfully used with other common adolescent risk taking behaviour.
When a teenager fights with a parent about wanting to see friends, they’re not thinking about the fact that they could get sick with COVID-19 and pass it on to others. And, while it may be tempting to for parents to give in – it’s important to stick to the rules.
Keep to the firm limits associated with social distancing – but with sincere compassion for any feeling’s teenagers may have associated with this new rule and loss of freedom.