To get through the day, we all rely on a certain amount of certainty – a sense that our lives are at least somewhat stable, secure and predictable. But the reality is that life is full of uncertainty – what the weather’s going to be like, how the people around you are going to feel and act, what your day’s going to be like when you step out the door – and pandemic life even more so.
Many of us have had to deal with changes to some of the pillars of our lives – a place to live, a job to support us, family and friends to spend time with, physical and mental health. And we all have to deal with continued uncertainty – what is life going to look like in a year, in a month, in a week, tomorrow?
Uncertainty can be uncomfortable, we get that. It's uncomfortable because we don’t know what’s going to happen and because we aren’t sure how we’ll cope with it.
But how comfortable we are with uncertainty also differs from person to person, depending on things like our personality traits and our experiences growing up. Some people have a higher intolerance of uncertainty – they feel more uncomfortable with uncertainty and their reactions to it are more intense. This can affect what they think, feel, and do when faced with uncertainty.
For example, they might:
Some of these are ways that people try to cope with uncertainty, but they actually tend to increase our worries and fears. So, how else can you cope with uncertainty, especially if you’re someone who has a hard time with it to begin with?
Remember...uncertainty can also be tolerated.
Here are some tips for how you can learn to cope with and build your tolerance of uncertainty:
So, think about the things that you do when you’re feeling anxious or uncomfortable about uncertainty: do you seek reassurance? Do you quadruple-check? What do you avoid? And then, catch yourself when you notice that you’re starting to do these things, and act ‘as-if’ you were more tolerant of the uncertainty.
For example, instead of quadruple-checking, only check twice. Acting 'as if' gives you the opportunity to learn that 1) that most of the time, you won’t have missed anything, and 2) the times when you do miss things may be stressful or hard, but you can cope with them. Practicing this repeatedly will get easier over time and will help you build your tolerance of uncertainty.
Life is full of uncertainty, and for most of us there’s a lot more of it right now. Focus on what you can be reasonably sure of, and trust that you will get through the things that are unknown. You might even find that some good can come out of uncertainty.
If dealing with uncertainty is causing a lot of distress and getting in the way of your life, consider reaching out to a therapist or mental health professional for help.
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