1. Practise observing without evaluating
An exercise that might help you cultivate more effective and compassionate interpersonal communication is practicing observing or listening without evaluating or analyzing the information or message you receive. This is often easier said than done, as it requires that we temporarily suspend all our judgments and fully immerse ourselves in the world of the other.
2. Identify and express your feelings
Whenever you notice a shift in your mood for the worse, try to identify what you feel and need in that moment. If your feelings are connected to issues in your interpersonal relationship, find an appropriate time to clearly express what you need rather than what’s wrong with you or the other person. Instead of arguing over who’s right or wrong, it’s far more helpful and productive to try to have everyone’s needs met and help each other feel heard.
Once you’ve identified your feelings and needs in that moment, deliver your message in the following way:
- Ask for a time to chat about what is going on for you
- Make “I” statements. (e.g., “I feel angry when you dismiss what I say because I want to feel heard. When you dismiss me, I feel as though my opinion does not matter to you.”)
- Focus on one issue at a time
- Keep the conversation in the present
3. Listen empathically
People are generally more willing to hear you once they feel heard and understood. If you ever struggle to give empathy to others, try giving empathy to yourself first. Make sure you have attended to your feelings and needs first.
Here are some easy strategies to cultivate empathy in your relationships:
- Set aside your own agenda
- Mirror and paraphrase what the person is saying to you. (e.g.: “What I hear you say is…”)
- Validate their feelings and needs. (e.g.: “I can understand that because…”)
- Ask open-ended questions that can help the person process what is going on for them
- Take turns speaking
- Allow yourself to temporarily enter someone’s world without attaching meaning or losing yourself.
