How do I know if casual dating is for me?

Social connection is a key indicator of good metal health, yet many of us have been locked alone during COVID. Casual dating could be a great way to remember how to interact with people again. But first, what is casual dating exactly? It’s a relationship, but without the typical commitments or emotional intimacy of a long-term relationship. You go on dates, spend time together, share some laughs, and may (or may not) have sex. Hopefully it is a fun time for all involved. Wondering how to discern if it's for you though? Let's take a look at some common questions. 

Are there benefits to casual dating?
Lots! Flirty fun is a great ego boost; who doesn’t want to feel wanted? It allows you to go out to places you may feel uncomfortable going as a single, like to the movies or a restaurant. It’s laid-back so there are no commitments, great for people who have other priorities they need to focus on. You can date multiple people, to see what kind of people you vibe with while trying new things. You can have sex with a regular partner, which can mean better and safer sex with someone who has learned your likes and dislikes. Finally, it allows you to maintain autonomy and can take pressure off from finding “the one,” whatever that is!

Does that mean there are risks too?
Yup. One person may develop feelings for the other despite a person being clear they are not interested in something long-term. Also, some partners may use “casual dating” as an excuse to be selfish, careless and dismissive of a person’s needs and boundaries. You may be using casual dating as a way not to get into a long-term relationship when you have been hurt before, and that can cause issues down the road.

Can I minimize the risks?
In short - thankfully, you can. Here's how: 

• Be honest with yourself and with your partners. Know what you want before you begin casual dating and why you want it.
• Know your boundaries. If you want limited texting, no sleepovers, or dates that dislike dogs, communicate those things early on, clearly. Although flexibility is beneficial to all relationships, vacillating between what you do and do not want, is not.
• Don’t start up with someone you are going to see over and over when you finish dating them, so no co-workers, friends, school mates etc.
• Date multiple people and tell your partner you are. It can prevent you, and them, from getting emotionally entangled.
• Don’t slap their face all over your social media. It just creates questions with friends, family members and your partner. When texting, light and breezy and not too frequent are great rules to follow!
• Put your needs first. It’s casual, the idea is that you aren’t compromising what you want. If you aren’t interested in the band she wants to see, go bike riding with the guys.
• Don’t put expectations on them. They don’t want to water your plants when you go visit your mom for the week.
• Respect them like you would a friend. When the fun ends, break it off, respectfully and communicate something like: “I’ve had a lot of fun with you, but I think I need to focus on my family/work/school/self right now. Thanks for a great time!”
• Do not ghost! It’s mean and karma’s a jerk. Even a text saying good-bye may be appropriate.
• Don’t accept large gifts. Just don’t.

If you notice that you are wishing a casual dating partner was in a committed relationship with you, or you get jealous when they are with others, or if you are spending time convincing yourself that you want to date casually or you are “fine,” then casual dating may not be for you. And that’s okay too! The more we learn about ourselves, the more empowered we are to do the things that can make us happy.

If you're interested in starting therapy to better understand yourself and what works for you, find the digital mental health therapy best suited for you and complete an assessment for individual support.