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Use Empathy and Active Listening

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“Empathy is the listener's effort to hear the other person deeply, accurately and without judgment. Empathy involves skillful reflective listening that clarifies and amplifies the person’s own experiencing and meaning, without imposing the listener’s own material.” Carl Rogers

Empathy refers to a way of being that involves setting aside ourselves (our views and beliefs) in order to fully enter the world of another. It means to temporarily live in someone’s life without making judgments or attaching meaning.

Empathy is not about losing ourselves in the world of another and indefinitely carrying inside ourselves the feelings and experiences of another. Instead, empathy is about being grounded and centred enough to be able to find our way home after visiting the world of another.

To further illustrate this concept, imagine listening as a bowl and speaking is the liquid. Just as the bowl gives the liquid its shape, the quality of our listening gives the speaking its shape. The deeper the listening, the deeper the speaking can be.

Below are some strategies that can help you cultivate an empathic approach and practice active listening:

  • Know the difference between being grounded and being destabilized
  • Notice any obstacles that may get in the way of your listening – your personal stuff – and let them go temporarily before you enter the world of the other
  • Imagine yourself as the person going through a similar situation. Allow yourself to be immersed in the world of another.
  • Listen to what the person is feeling and needing rather than what they are thinking
  • Follow the person’s emotions
  • Reflect back what you hear by paraphrasing the person’s message. This will ensure that you understand what the person is communicating to you.
  • Check in with the person to see if your understanding is accurate and ask the person to correct you if you didn’t grasp the message
  • Ask open-ended questions to help the person go further into their experience. (“What would be most helpful to you right now?”)


Know your limits
It’s possible that, during the helping process, you may discover that you don’t have the tools or resources necessary to provide the person with what they need. If this is the case, make them aware of your limitations and be clear about what you can and cannot do for them. If appropriate and relevant, offer to help them seek out other resources or ways through which they can have their needs met.

Empathy refers to a way of being that involves setting aside ourselves (our views and beliefs) in order to fully enter the world of another.

Stronger Minds content is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to establish a standard of care with a reader, you should always seek the advice of your mental health professional, physician or other qualified health provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. If you think you may have a medical or mental health emergency, call your doctor, go to the nearest hospital emergency department, or call emergency services immediately. You should never disregard or delay seeking medical advice relating to treatment or standard of care because of information contained herein. Medical information changes constantly. Therefore the information herein should not be considered current, complete or exhaustive, nor should you rely on such information to recommend a course of treatment for you or any other individual. Reliance on any information provided herein is solely at your own risk.