When it comes to any personal conflict, what we call “active listening” is paramount.
When engaged in conversation, it’s important to ask questions and not make assumptions. It is also extremely important that you listen to the answers to your questions.
In order to best understand what other people want and need, and what their perspective is on a problem, you’ll have to be willing to ask them questions – and keep asking them until you think you understand what the other person needs and wants as best as you can.
And, if you’re asking people for feedback about your communication style, you must really try to understand what they’re saying as best as you can.
Many problems in communication are the result of people failing to take into account the other person’s perspective. Take a step back and think about how the other person might see or feel about the situation. Don’t make assumptions, ask questions. Most importantly, engage.
In every relationship, we need to consider both our needs and the needs of others. It’s very important to express your needs in a direct way and to ask people what they’re thinking and feeling.
There will be times when your needs will be more important, and sometimes the other person’s needs will be more important. If your partner, other family member or friend is a frontline worker during Covid-19, this is probably a time when their needs might need to take precedence.
When you start to feel that you are getting angry, or things start to go awry or deteriorate, take a time-out to allow things to cool down. Taking a break also allows you to think about what’s going on in the dispute, identify problems in communication, do some perspective taking and think about how to make things better.
Try to have important discussions at the right time. If there’s something important that you need to talk about, try to plan the discussion for a time when you’re both most likely to be relaxed, open and have the time to have a meaningful discussion.
Finally, in the midst of the chaos, try and find some time to connect with each other and enjoy being together.
