Learning Better Communication and Strategies for Working Through Conflict

Communication sure seems to have gotten a lot more complicated lately. Whether that’s all the Zoom and Facetime calls you find yourself on, or it’s just about keeping things civil and on an even keel with the people you’re locked down with.

Communicating clearly, especially in times of conflict, can be a challenge. So, let’s look at some of the best ways you can avoid conflict – and positively address it when you can’t.

Interpersonal communication is the act and process of expressing feelings, thoughts, beliefs, ideas, information and needs to one another. Interpersonal communication can be verbal or non-verbal. It can involve words, symbols, gestures, facial expressions and even silence. Like language, interpersonal communication is not something we’re born with but something that we develop overtime based on our environment, education/training and upbringing. 

Effective interpersonal communication is not just about getting what you want or about avoiding conflict at all costs. It’s about creating connection and understanding between two or more people so that everyone’s messages and voices can be heard. When we communicate more consciously with one another, we can create greater connection and depth in our relationships. 

Know your communication style
There are four basic communication styles: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and assertive. It’s important to understand each, as well as the effects that they can have in our relationships. 

Passive
People with a passive communication style usually put other people’s needs ahead of their own. They have difficulty expressing their feelings or needs and tend to defer to others when conflict arises. Because of their non-confrontational attitude, passive communicators tend to be easy to get along with. But, if their needs always come last, they eventually come to resent the fact that they’re never being met. 

Aggressive
People with an aggressive style tend to put their needs first. They may listen to what the other person has to say, but what they want or think is more important. Aggressive people also tend to be angry, hostile and hurtful when they communicate with others. Some common strategies that aggressive communicators use to deliver their message include speaking in a loud voice, making demands, blaming, intimidating, criticizing and threatening or attacking. 

Passive-Aggressive
People with a passive-aggressive style tend to be aware of their own needs, but they struggle to voice them. Because of their inability to communicate openly with others, they often resort to strategies like giving someone the silent treatment to indirectly communicate how they feel. Passive-aggressive communicators may appear cooperative on the surface, but silently they may do the opposite of what is being asked of them. 

Assertive
Assertive communication is considered the most effective form of communication. Assertive people try to equally value their needs and the needs of others. In a healthy relationship, people clearly communicate so that each person can feel heard and have their needs met. People who are assertive can be flexible and accommodating, but they can also express and advocate for themselves. 

Practising being assertive means asking for what you need and fully expressing yourself. If you’d like to become more assertive in your relationships, here is a list of behaviours you can practice: 

• Ask questions
• Ask for what you want
• Ask for what you need
• Ask to be listened to
• Ask for help
• Ask for a favour
• Express your opinions, feelings, disagreement, negative and positive emotions
• Initiate conversations, end conversations and question authority
• Accept a compliment, listen to others and, finally, acknowledge the other person’s needs