CROWDED HOUSE: Parenting During the Pandemic

Parenting is challenging. Parenting during a pandemic takes it to whole other level. On top of work, financial and household responsibilities, many of us have to look after our children ALL day. To say that this is overwhelming is an understatement. We asked some parents what new challenges they’ve encountered, and what they do to cope.

For Beverley Saptel-John, a busy advertising professional and mom of two, keeping up with loads of schoolwork – on top of her own work – is the biggest challenge. “My work hours are extremely long, so we are only able to work with the kids during the evenings. At times, we end up sitting with them super late after dinner to review their work as it’s tough to keep on top of it during the day. I feel like I’m always behind.

So, here are a few tips we can share.

TIP #1: Let go of guilt
When Beverley worries about her kids falling behind, she remembers that she’s doing her best – and it’s ok if some assignments are late or incomplete. Some household chores won’t be done as regularly. That’s ok. Be kind with yourself. When you start feeling guilty for not doing enough, or increased screen time so you can attend to work, tell yourself: “I'm doing the best I can in a really difficult situation.” When you start to worry about the months ahead, bring yourself back to the present. This can be as simple as focusing on the sound of your child’s voice, or the smell of the meal you’re preparing.

TIP #2: Structure the day
A study in the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology showed that children who grow up with predictable, daily routines are less likely to have time management or attention problems as adults. In addition, children who know what to expect day-to-day were more likely to feel a sense of family stability than those who had more random activities. Parents also benefit from routine, as it adds a sense of control in an unpredictable time.

With the busy routine of school and activities out the window, try to set a new daily routine. As Beverley notes, “from day one, even before the schools started to send in the work, I had both kids on a schedule. The schedule consisted of allotting time for school work, reading, chores, exercise and then gaming.”

For Eleanor Bryant-James, structuring a variety of activities, including ones where family members pitch in, has been a great help. “I’m getting family members to call my son and have him in Zoom taekwondo twice a week, chess club via Zoom twice a week and a tutor to work with him to write in a journal twice a week.”

Include both structured activities (e.g., academics, play, quiet time) and free time. If you have older children, involve them in creating the schedule. Try to get your kids up and to bed at the same time as you would for school to maintain a sense of normalcy.

TIP #3: Take care of yourself
Try to eat healthy meals, exercise and get enough sleep. Find ways to decompress and take breaks. If it’s a possibility, have your partner take over when you need a break or have to focus on work. Take “brain breaks” by limiting screen time and news intake. And vent if you need to! Call up a friend or colleague and let your frustrations out.

One day at a time
The pandemic caught most of us by surprise. Overnight, everything changed. So, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed, anxious or irritable. You might be more impatient than usual. Resist the urge to blame yourself or compare yourself to others. Believe in your parenting abilities, and remind yourself of the challenges you have gotten through as a family. Take it one day at a time.